Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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