Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
