like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
