I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
