He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
