I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
