Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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