Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
