Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think my vagina is haunted
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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