I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
is it fun? or sober?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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