Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
