what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
