You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
