bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
