I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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