She's JV to your varsity
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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