He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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