I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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