the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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