My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
