I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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