so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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