I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
