Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize