im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
