we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
