Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
