There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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