tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
