So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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