your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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