just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
