so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
