Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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