Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
