1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
