I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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