We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
