in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Dignity is for republicans.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
