You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
