Nicole vs. Life
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
