Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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