He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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