Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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