i think i have herpe
just one?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
A bitchslap is in order.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
