ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Randomize
