fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize