we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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