We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
