Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
