Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
