Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
