Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
