u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
