At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
