Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
