Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
