i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
