So drunk, too bad you don't want this
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
