Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
