It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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