idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
