If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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