You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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