I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
