on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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