Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
