she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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