I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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