my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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