You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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