Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
