i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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