Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize