I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
