Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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