As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
