Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
