WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
