this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
