The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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