I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
we should paint friendship bongs
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