My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
