I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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