toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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