please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
is wine microwaveable?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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