I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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