no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
