i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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