so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
