Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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