Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
