i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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