Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
