i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
