He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
