I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
