She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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