handjob tips. give me some.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
