I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
