I wish I only lived at night.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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