One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
