3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
