i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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