You're my little dorito
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
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