it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
