Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize